Jumanto II – Pertemuan dengan Jin Brad

Jumanto yang lagi bete, jalan2 ke pinggiran sawah. Cari inspirasi mau dagang apalagi karena dagangannya yang sekarang sudah mulai ngga’ laku. Brainstorming sendirian.

Tiba2 dia melihat ada koper besar tergeletak pada parit di pinggiran sawah. Dengan takut2 dia mendekati koper tersebut. Jangan2 isinya korban mutilasi. “Wah, saya bisa dipanggil bolak balik ke kantor polisi dan pengadilan, padahal urusan gerobak aja belum beres,” pikir Jumanto.

Tapi keingin-tahuannya lebih besar. Dia buka koper itu, dan mendadak muncul asap yang berubah menjadi makhluk tinggi besar (tapi ngga’ menyeramkan seperti yang di film2 itu). Wajah makhluk itu lebih cool dan keren dari Brad Pitt. Sebut saja makhluk ini bernama Jin Brad.

Jumanto – Tahu Kapan Harus Berbohong

Seorang penjual minyak goreng keliling seperti biasa menjajakan dagangannya di tepian Sungai Citarum. “Nyak nyak minyaaak…”, teriaknya.

Di jalanan menurun tiba-tiba gerobaknya yang penuh dengan botol minyak tergelincir ke Sungai Citarum. Plung …lap… tenggelam lah gerobak kesayangannya itu. “Huuu..huuu..” menangislah dia…. “harus kuberi makan apa istriku nanti ….huuu….”

Sharing for Sixty Years

A little old couple walked slowly into McDonalds one cold winter evening. They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night. Some of the customers looked admiringly at them. You could tell what The admirers were thinking. “Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!”

Bright Student

It was the first day of school and a new student named Chen, the son of a Mainland-Chinese businessman, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American history. Who said ‘Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'” She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chen, who said “Patrick Henry, 1775.”

Consumer Warning

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed by stupidity, here are some actual label instructions found on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special.)

On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap

On a Swanson frozen dinner: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it’s just a suggestion.)

On Tesco’s tiramisu dessert (printed on the bottom of box): Do not turn upside-down.

On Marks & Spencer bread pudding: Product will be hot after heating.

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.

On Boot’s children’s cough medicine: Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.

On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: May cause drowsiness.

On most brands of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (I gotta admit, I’m curious.)

On Sainsbury’s peanuts: Warning: contains nuts.

On an American Airlines packet of peanuts: Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.

On a child’s Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.

On a Swedish chain saw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.

Golfer Goes to the Emergency Room

A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.

“I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife,” he tells the doctor, “when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. we went to look for it, and I noticed one of the cows had something white in its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was my wife’s golf ball stuck right in the cow’s butt. That’s when I made my mistake.”

“What did you do?” asks the doctor.

“Well, as I was standing there holding up the tail, I yelled to my wife, ‘Hey, this looks like yours!”